As I have a not insignificant birthday coming up in less than a fortnight (and one that, twice in the last decade it looked likely I’d never see,) I thought I’d amuse myself by making a list of what I’d like to treat myself to, tempered by a wee dose of reality, ie what I’ll really buy. Consider it more an exercise in self-flaggelation than self-indulgence.

So without further ado, and to gales of laughter the length & breadth of the country (and beyond!) I give you:

The Wish List

Fujifilm Finepix SL 1000 camera – with a 16mp sensor, massive 24-1200 (50x) zoom & 10 frames/second continuous shooting, this really is THE camera nonpareil for an amateur photog like myself;

A reconditioned (cos who needs new?) desktop PC with a bit more than the 374Mb RAM & 40Gb hard-drive than this piece of sh*t I’m using (which crashes at least twice a day);

&/or a portable hard-drive (Damn you PC World for advertising a 1 Tb drive for £60!) cos the 500Gb is full:

A  broadband deal cheaper than B-bloody-T (gone any day now!);

A new DVD player, cos mine gave up the ghost many moons ago;

A bike so I can go shooting somewhere other than Burgess/Ruskin parks;

A “new” washing machine cos hand washing my skivvies is just too much of a chore:

Last, but not least, a new mattress for my futon, as I had to chuck the old one out.

Now for that dose of reality.

What I’ll really buy:

New boots (cos I’ve walked out of mine) & some cheap camo gear — but only if Southwark pay the £50 compo they owe me;

A packet of Haribo Tangfastics (cos why not?)

Eh, that’s it…

Ain’t real life a bitch?

Anyway folks, as I hurtle headlong towards this particular landmark day, think of me only this:

“Bloody Hell, he looks young for his age” 😛